It seems so crazy to be able to write that, and it's even stranger to think about!
I was so nervous for my last chemo session. Chemo has been a constant for me since the 12th of March. It has been a pretty shite time, and I haven't enjoyed any of it, but it is the most important thing for me right now. So the idea of stopping the thing that is helping me the most, even though it is poison and ruining me, was quite a scary thought. Everything went well - or as well as chemo can go, and I only cried once at the end so I was pretty proud of myself! Chemo hasn't been what I expected at all. It has been a crazy roller coaster of emotions and side effects. Some a lot better than I thought, and others a lot worse. When people talked about the fatigue I really had no idea what that felt like. The hair loss I was ready for, but not so much for the eyelashes and eyebrows, or that when the hair comes back your hairline will take a lot longer! The gross nose has also taken me by surprise. It isn't like when you have a cold, it is almost like water (TMI - sorry not sorry) and sometimes I don't even know it is dripping away which is suuuuper yuck and embarrassing. But I think I have had a pretty good run with chemo compared to how some people have described it. I have tried really hard to stay vaguely active by going out and doing as many horsey things as I can, and have also tried to do the Zumba classes when I am feeling ok. I like to think this has helped!
Now that chemo has finished, my body has decided it is time to rest. I am so insanely exhausted from my body trying to fight against the chemo for the past 6 months, that I just want to sleep for one thousand years. It can take up to six months for your body to recover from the chemo, and sometimes there are longer term side effects, like the 'chemo brain' I currently have. I'm looking forward to slowly getting back to normal.
For the last week of chemo I had a week of all the good things. I had my usual great times with Louie Patooie and my friends, we went on a little exploring mission through the bush and I had such a good time just having a little outside adventure. I had a super amazing massage at the intercontinental, I went to the WESTLIFE movie which was the best, Louie had an awesome road riding lesson, and I went on a walk with a lovely friend and her beautiful sausage dog (my favourite of all time, I was so excited!). All the good things that have made me so happy. Last weekend I also met up with a friend from school and we went on the flamingo scooters! Such a fun time and it was so good catching up with her. I also went to ride my friends lovely horse which meant more pony time as well as seeing friends, two of my favourite things! And this weekend coming up my beautiful Toof is organising a 'no more poison' dinner with a few of my amazing pony friends. I am so lucky to have such a great support system, and I am so thankful for all of my friends for helping me through everything cancer has thrown at me.
So our Shocking Pink video and photos came out for the Good in the Hood campaign, they are all reasonably mortifying, and I look like a lumping lumpity lump, but it is so cool that we got to be a part of this and hopefully lots of people support the cause! I'm hoping I will be able to go and help the other ladies promote Shocking Pink at the petrol station in a few weeks time, just waiting on a surgery date!
This week I have two hospital appointments. My first is on Tuesday when I will be meeting with my breast surgeon. I have lots of questions to ask her and hopefully I will get my surgery date. It is usually 3-4 weeks after the final chemo session, which should give my bloods enough time to return to normal and hopefully lessen the risk of any infection. On Thursday I have to go in to the day ward pretty early to have my port accessed for an early MRI scan. I wasn't expecting to have another one of these (and not really looking forward to it either), but hopefully it goes better than last time and it will be good to see the results too. Hopefully there is no tumour left!
I have been trying to count up the amount of needles I have had since this all started, and I think I am somewhere around 50+ stabs! Including all my many blood tests, port accessing, peg injections, surgery and scan needles, and my zoladex injections. The zoladex will continue for a while even though chemo has stopped. It was the one that scared me the most to begin, and now it is one of the easiest things to get as it is over so fast! Still terrifying to look at though, it is a beast of a needle!
Louie is going well with his lessons. I haven't ridden him yet as he is still throwing a few wee tantrums when he gets confused or doesn't want to do what is asked. But he is getting a lot lighter with his groundwork so I'm really proud of how that is progressing. It is great to be able to have something I can do with him and still see the progress. I went to see him on Wednesday and just sat on his back, which gave me a good dose of happiness! His last lesson was on the road and I am so happy with how he did. I am hoping to have a few rides before surgery! Hopefully once I am all recovered from surgery I will be able to start again slowly with everything and next year can be a nice chill starting again year :) Please enjoy my very photogenic horse:
Hair progress still seems so slow, but when I look back on my weekly photos it is definitely getting there! Eagerly awaiting a normal hairline to come through but I have been reassured this is normal and the hairline just takes a lot longer. My eyebrows and eyelashes are still MIA, but maybe they will start growing now the poison has gone - fingers crossed! I think my hair is coming through lighter than what it was, but it is just a mousey brown/grey colour and nothing exciting unfortunately, and no curls yet! I live in hope!
I'm pretty sure those are all the updates I have! Next blog should be me being terrified of surgery so that will be fun!
Thanks again for all the continued support. There have been so many people I can't even begin to thank enough for the incredibly generous things they have done for me. It means more than you could possible know.
Lots of love
xxx