So I guess this will be my last blog for awhile! On the 3rd of December I officially finished all of my active treatment. It doesn't really seem real. Everyone keeps asking how I am feeling, like I must be feeling so elated it is over, and suddenly feel wonderful! And honestly I don't. I didn't really feel like celebrating, and I'm not particularly happy it is over. Maybe because it's been the worst year ever and I'm not sure how to feel. Maybe because I know it is not actually over. Once I have 5 years of clear tests, then it is over. Maybe it is because it's a hard concept to grasp that there are no more daily or weekly hospital appointments and I feel a bit lost without it somehow. I'm not too sure. But I'm not feeling all those things everyone wants me to feel. I'm grateful everyone seems to be feeling it for me though!
There is this post I have shared on social media, about cancer being a mountain lion chasing you, and the only way to fight it is climb up this huge mountain and a bear has to destroy the lion, but the bear pretty much has to destroy you to destroy the mountain lion. It's an amazing post. And the ending of it I think is really relevant at the moment.
Then, if you are lucky, the bear leaps on the mountain lion and they are locked in an epic battle until finally the two of them roll off a cliff edge together, and the mountain lion is dead. Maybe. You're not sure - it fell off the cliff, but mountain lions are crafty. It could come back at any moment.
And everyone comes running up to you and says "that was amazing! You're so brave, we're so proud of you! You didn't die! That must be a huge relief!"
Meanwhile, you blew out both your knees, you're having an asthma attack, you twisted your ankle, and also you have been mauled by a bear. And everyone says "boy, you must be excited to walk down the mountain!" And all you can think as you stagger to your feet is "f*ck this mountain, I never wanted to climb it in the first place."
So maybe it isn't exciting cause everything was just horrific. But anyways, enough of that! I appreciate the support and love and everyone being excited for me <3
This year has been so insane. January the 17th 2019 was when I first went to my GP. What followed was a month of scans and meetings with numerous specialists, before my first surgery and starting treatment.
I have had:
4 rounds of AC chemo
12 rounds of paclitaxel chemo
2 surgeries
2 new boobs
2 biopsies with 3 different procedures and lots of samples taken
1 fertility scan
1 genetic test
About 100,000 bandages
2 mammograms
2 heart scans
1 hook wire procedure
19 rounds of radiation
2 heart scans
Well over 20 blood tests
3 IVS
Numerous infections, blood culture tests and swab tests
3 other medical procedures
Over 10 scars
3 tattoos
Healing complications from both surgeries
2 MRIs
1 CT
3 ultra sounds
19 rounds of two sorts of radiation
11 injections
2 general anaesthetic and many local anaesthics
Over 30 other medical appointments and tests with doctors, oncologists, plastic surgeons, radiation therapists, nurses and many other amazing medical professionals.
And I'm pretty sure there is a whole lot more I can't remember!
Sometimes it worries me, having the type of cancer I do. If you have hormone positive cancer there are extra drugs you take for years afterwards to really help make sure nothing comes back. But unfortunately there is nothing like this for triple negative or metaplastic cancer yet. I read recently they are trying to develop a vaccine for triple negative BC which is so amazing!!
I have been trying really hard to take care of my radiation burns, in the last few days they have started peeling so hopefully there will be nice new skin underneath. The mepitel came off last night, and I use fatty cream every day. The area that was treated is pretty numb so I am glad I can't feel much of what is happening - half of my nip skin peeled off when my burns bandage came off last night! CRAZY! It doesn't look very nice but it should just improve from now onwards. The bottom armpit photo was taken today, you can see some of the peeling beginning. It is a lot darker in real life, but thankfully the photos brighten everything up a bit! You can also see the burn coming through on my back, but I can't feel this one either :)
An update on Louie!
His leg is looking soo much better. It just looks like a scab now, and he isn't lame on it either. His nose has pretty much healed up too, he just has a little lump that hopefully will just slowly go down. I have had a few bareback rides up to his new (and hopefully safer) paddock, and earlier in the week we had out first lesson! He was so amazing and I can't wait to slowly start more with him. My instructor did a wonderful job with him, and I got to ride for the last 5 minutes which was the best feeling ever! We have lots of practice to do to make sure he is comfortable in the arena, but that will be great groundwork for me to practice. Louie has also got pretty unhappy about people touching his knee, which is understandable after It was wrapped in bandages for 3 weeks. But I am still attempting to put on his special cream just to make sure it really heals well, and I will keep praying for no more injuries!
I thought I would take this opportunity to do a thank you. There have been so many friends, work colleagues and family members this year that have been there for me in so many different ways. And I feel so lucky to have had you all with me. From texts checking in, helping with food, a few special treats and surprises, helping with Louie, getting me out of the house, sending me things to smile about and so much more. Recently when Jordans grandparents tragically passed away, I was not able to go up with the rest of the family as I was still having radiation treatments. I had so many people rally around me to make sure I was ok as well, and this meant the world to me. I love you all so much, and feel so lucky to have so many beautiful people in my life who are so kind and caring. I don't think I can ever put it into words, how much I want to thank everyone for your help this year. But I want you all to know everything you have done means so much more than you will ever know
My birthday is coming up super soon, and I am hoping to ride my pony and just have a really fun and relaxing day. Then I am heading up north for 4 days over Christmas with my brother to visit our parents! Then it is back to Wellington for New Years, and to start 2020 on a good note. Aaaaaand then it is HOLIDAY TIME! Which is going to be so amazing and I cannot wait to relax and go snorkelling and just have the best time with no hospital, no needles, no scans, no showing my boobs to strangers, no nothing! Just the ship, beach and books. Perfection!
I hope everyone has a super amazing and relaxing Christmas and New years and I hope you all eat lots of delicious food, and have a wonderful time with your friends, family and loved ones.
Lots of love to you all,
Love Vicky (and bebe chicken)
