I think this will end up being quite a long blog, so apologies in advance! But it was such a massive day and so much happened, and I have had lots of questions! Hopefully this will answer most of them :)
On Wednesday night (the 25th of September), I got hardly any sleep. I was so nervous! The hospital had called me that afternoon to say I needed to come in to the surgical admissions at 8.30am, so I could get ready for my first procedure at 9am. I was told surgery was scheduled for 11.45am.
**Quick back track: I went to see one of the anaesthetists a few weeks ago to tell him my fears of being put to sleep, after I had slight awareness as a child (my body went to sleep before my brain, so I heard the doctors talking about taking me in for surgery, though I fell asleep before the operation started). It was not a good meeting as he proceeded to tell me a horror story of a GP he knew who went in for her operation and they forgot to turn on the anaesthetic and she felt the whole thing but couldn't let them know she was still awake. So I was not in a great mindset for the surgery!**
So after zero sleep, off I went to hospital on Thursday morning. I had an amazing support system with me; Jordan, my mum, and Jordans mum. I was so thankful to have them there. We waited in the admissions waiting room until my surgeon called me in. She is honestly incredible. I was a shivering, shaking, sweaty mess and she just reassured me so much. She spent a few minutes marking my chest up with a vivid, before a nurse came round with my surgery and dressing gowns, and asked me all the medical questions (full name, DOB, NHI, do I smoke, do I have metal in my body, are all my teeth my own etc) and then I was sent downstairs to radiology. Safe to say I was shitting my pants! I had read up a little on this procedure. It is called a 'hook wire', and it is a long thin wire that is inserted into the breast tissue where the tumour is/was to help guide the surgery. I already had my little breast clip still in from the biopsy, but apparently this is needed as well!
They started by getting me to lie on the edge of the bed/chair, facing to the right, so my left boob was out. Then they wheeled the bed over to the mammogram, and squashed my boob in that as much as they possible could. Not a fun time but reasonably bearable. Then they took a few photos with the mammogram before calling the doctor in. While I was still trapped in the mammogram (also trying to not cry but obviously failing at this point, especially as Jordan had been sent out of the room), the lovely doctor came and gave me a local anaesthetic injection in my boob. After a few minutes they used a slightly larger needle with a wire inside, and it went super deep into my boob to where the tumour was. It was a weird pressure feeling, similar to the biopsy. They took some more photos, and repositioned the needle and wire once more so it was in super deep in the tissue. I was freed from the mammogram for a few seconds, before they put me back in it for a few more upwards photos. I was allowed to look at what they had done which was pretty cool on the screen. You could see exactly where the wire went in (I had like 20-30cm sticking out of me!), where it met the old breast clip, and where the cancer calcifications were. They knotted up the wire and bandaged up my poor boob, and we all went back to the surgical admissions ward. Because I was already in hospital gowns, and had a few hours wait before surgery, we were allowed our own private room which made things a bit nicer than sitting in the waiting room.
I had a nurse come and go a lot, she asked me lots of the same medical questions over and over again, and I also had to do a pregnancy test. At 11.30am I started getting super nervous, but then no one came to get me. And 11.45am came and went and the same thing happened! Then a nurse came in and gave me my hat and booties and said they were ready to take me in to the next stage now. Jordan came with me and I had a wee cry saying goodbye to mum, I was so thankful Jordans mum came as well so my mum wasn't alone for that bit. I went in to the pre surgery area at around 12pm, and had a lovely nurse called George come and do all my questions again. He distracted me by talking about his cats and I actually stopped crying for a bit! Then my anaesthetist came round, and I found out I wasn't allowed to have the knock out gas for my surgery so of course the snuffling began again. Another great example of me not being brave in the slightest! I also saw my amazing amazing amazing surgeon one last time before I went in, so calm and wonderful. I needed some of that. George took Jordan back to the waiting area and said they would call him when I was all done, they said surgery would take about an hour, and then it'll be another hour of me coming out of anaesthetic. Another nurse walked me down the hall to the surgery room, which is the part I hate the most. I popped up on the bed, and they asked me all the same questions again. Then my actual angel appeared. I'm not sure if he was a doctor or a nurse but he was everything I needed. He was so calm and reassuring, and told me everything they were doing. He put on all my monitors so gently and explained each and every one of them. I felt so lucky to have him with me. The anaesthetist started trying to put my IV line in which didn't go so well. I have bad veins to begin with but they are pretty ruined from the chemo. They used one in my hand, and I felt the first one pop right through the vein which wasn't a great feeling. Thankfully the 2nd attempt worked! I was given a sedation, and remember looking up at the lights thinking it wasn't calming me down at all. She said she was putting in the anaesthetic and the last thing I remember was the lights starting to get a bit blurry.
I don't remember too much of being woken up. I had been told I might wake up with a breathing tube in, or wake up slowly and hear the doctors around me in the surgery room, but thankfully I woke up in recovery 1 with an incredible nurse called Sophie. I remember asking if I could go back to sleep but that was harder than expected. Sophie arrived with an ice block and I awkwardly slurped away for what seemed like forever before giving it back to her - sorry Sophie! When I asked for the time, it was like 3.45pm or something and I was so shocked, as I presumed it would be around 2.30pm at the latest if I was still waking up. I was waiting to be moved into recovery 2 so I could see my family, but that was still really full. After about another hour they started letting families come in to the area I was in so I finally got to see everyone which was so nice, though I still don't remember much of it! My port was taken out during surgery and that was with me when I woke up, so I had a good examine of that - very strange to think it was inside me for 6 months.
After some friends and family left (Mum stayed), I was taken in to recovery 2 for my overnight stay, as the ward was a bit full. From what I can see I took the photos of my port at 8.15pm and I was still in recovery 1, so it was sometime after that! I was given the drug Fentanyl to take, and I could press the button every 5 minutes for a new dose. It made me feel super gross though so I had to have anti nausea drugs as well. My parents left for the night, and I started to finally have a nap. I was woken up pretty soon after I fell asleep to move my bed into a slightly more private area. Sleep after that was really hard. I couldn't roll over as I had drains in each side of my ribs, and my boobs were too sore. I also had these funny things on my legs that squeezed them every minute or so to help reduce my risk of any blood clots forming. I had the night nurses come in every 1-2 hours to give me more paracetamol and check my dressings, heart rate, temperature etc, and I also had my drains emptied. I also needed a nurse to unplug me from everything when I had to go to the bathroom, which was all the time due to all the saline they were putting in to me. My first bathroom trip was a shock! During surgery they used blue dye through my body to help locate the cancer (hence why I look a gross colour above). It also meant a lot of what came out of me was BRIGHT BLUE! I had gross blue stuff coming out my my drains along with the blood, but fluro blue wee was something new!
I woke up properly around 6.15am, and just stayed awake as sleep was not happening. I had breakfast at 7.30 which looked pretty nice! I had stopped eating around 9.30pm on the Wednesday night, and on Thursday had only eaten 3/4 of a popsicle, and a tiny nibble of a dry biscuit. I managed a piece of toast with butter for breakfast and lots of water. After breakfast my lovely breast nurse Sandy came to see me and check my bandages. She made sure any questions I had were answered and said my surgeon would be coming round soon. My surgeon, a nurse, and a few working pupils came by just after 8.30am, so my were boobs out again for everyone to see! She was pretty happy with everything and how my drains were, so said they could come out and then I could go home to rest. I was then moved to another new location, from bed 11 to bed 17, and I just tried to have some relaxy time before my parents came to collect me.
**There are some photos coming up that have blood in them, if you want to skip this!**
I had another amazing nurse called Jen come and do all my checks, she is one of the best people I have ever met. She told me she was there for my first port operation, and saw my article in the paper soon after. Because of this, she pushed for her daughter to go and have her lumps checked, and after some convincing, the doctors agreed to take them out. Thankfully they were benign but I was so sad for her and her daughter that it wasn't an easy road to have them removed. I was very lucky to have Jen be the nurse to take out my drains! I was a little nervous about this but thankfully it barely hurt at all. First she cut a few stitches, and then asked me to do a long breath in while she pulled out the drain. Once it was out, there was a little pause before I felt lots of hot wet liquid down my side! It was the weirdest feeling. One bled a lot more than the other one, but that was the side the cancer and lymph nodes were taken from. I was given extra gauze and bandages so I could keep changing these bandages at home.
Once I had my drains taken out, my parents arrived and I just had to see the physio and have my IV taken out before I could go home. The physio came and gave me some exercises to do every day to help re build my muscles. They sound so easy, like clasping your hands behind your back and putting your shoulder blades together, but it is SO HARD! I had my awful IV taken out and I was free to go home.
Once I got home I had the most amazing nap! I woke up for a piece of toast for dinner for my medicine and went straight back to sleep for another nap. Just amazing.
The past few days I have been pretty tired as sleeping is still a bit hard. I'm not in as much pain as I thought I would be which I'm super thankful about. The worst bit is it sometimes gets hot and stingy and a bit itchy in the cuts under my boobs, and it is pretty sore under my armpit where my lymph nodes were removed (though I was told this would be the most painful part). A portion of under my upper arm and also my armpit is super numb which is weird. Imagine you go to get a local anaesthetic from the dentist, and as it wears off your lip has that funny fat half numb feeling, that is what this is like! Very strange to be touching it and not feeling anything 100%. I have been out to see Louie a few times, but I'm not allowed to do anything at all as I am not supposed to lift more than 1kg for 4-6 weeks (which seems excessive and I've definitely broken that rule already oops). So I give him lots of kisses and treats instead. Jordan has been amazing helping with some of the pony jobs, and my beautiful friends are so wonderful taking care of my Louie Patooie. I hope he is on his best behaviour!
I'm very lucky to still have my parents staying down in Wellington to help me out as well. Mum made everyone an amazing roast dinner last night and I ate something that wasn't toast! Success! In other family news, the holiday has been booked! We are doing a celebratory (hopefully... haha) 'no more cancer' cruise in February next year. I actually cannot wait for 2 weeks of just relaxing. No doctors appointments, no needles, no poison, and hopefully cancer free! I get worried that people think this year has been really easy for me, especially since my work has been so fantastic letting me work from home and just pop in when I am feeling up to it. But it has been anything but easy and relaxing, and those days I went in to work were some of the most wonderful times for me to just feel normal again. I am so excited to get back to a normal routine, hopefully normal sleep patterns, and try and get rid of the fatigue!
In the next few months I still have a bit to get through, before I get the fun holiday. This Thursday I am going in to hospital to have my bandages changed and everything checked. In the next 2 weeks I will also be meeting with my surgeon which I'm super excited about. Usually about a month after surgery radiation starts, and I think I will be having around 15 days and sessions of this. I also will get to see my oncologist again in November. I'm excited to get my tissue and lymph node results back - hopefully it doesn't take to long!
Wow - long blog! I will leave you with some photos of my port, as I think they are super interesting! Thanks again for all the support, and all the wonderful messages I have received over the past week regarding my surgery. It means so much to know I have so many friends who care about me. Love to you all!
