Sorry for the lack of update! I feel like life has been in a weird limbo state since surgery.
It's been four weeks since surgery now. I have had lots of appointments at hospital having all my check ups with my surgeon, nurses, and also to start radiation. My new boobs are healing so well, I had my last meeting with my surgeon today and she is so happy with my progress which is so exciting. I still have bandages over all my scars to help them heal, but I can't believe how fast the body works and how nice everything is looking. I had a few issues with a stitch coming out and also a few openings in the scars, but it seems to be going well now. My port scar is sooo much better than what it was, I can't wait to see how that heals up one the bandage comes off. I still have a lot of numb tissue, mainly under my left armpit where the nodes were taken out, under each boob, and one of my nips is also numb. It's very strange having no feeling in parts of your body!
My hair is FINALLY starting to grow a bit less ugly. The front bits are gradually growing in, and even though they are salt and pepper coloured, it is hair and I am happy! I'm still not sure if I am getting curls or not, sometimes the longer bits look a bit curly but half the time I'm sure it is just feral looking hat hair! My eyelashes and brows are also coming in pretty fast which is so exciting to see. I have missed my brows and lashes the most and I can't wait to be able to have them back and wear make up normally again!
I think things have been a bit harder mentally, rather than physically recently. Everyone asks how excited and happy I am to have received the news that everything that was taken out was cancer free. And yes it was awesome news, but I'm not really that excited. There is still so much to worry about and it's always in the back of my mind, there is still treatment to go, and what if it comes back? I've spent this whole year rushing around, having no time to think, just getting everything done and dealing with the side effects. And now I've had a break between surgery and radiation it's like everything has come crashing down. My mind is just completely overloaded with everything that I have been through this year and I'm finally starting to process it. I think when having treatment I just went through the paces. I just accepted it was what I had to do and I got it done, even though I hated everything. But now I just feel so overwhelmed with everything and can't believe it is coming to and end. I think the mental health side of cancer is one people don't really think about. Everyone wants to know how you have been with chemo, if you were sick, how are you recovering from the surgery, what happens to your skin with radiation. And I am so thankful to have people who care enough to ask these questions. But I think sometimes cancer patients get dumped with so many physical issues, the mental side is forgotten. And the mental side of cancer has been the hardest by far. I think I am so lucky to have my horse as an escape from everything else, he has been so important to keep me sane and grounded this year.
Yesterday (24th October) I went in for my radiation consultation. I first met with my Doctor who explained the processes of radiation and what treatments I would be getting. Even though I have had an amazing result from chemo and surgery, I still have to be treated as a high risk patient due to the type of cancer I had. She was amazed at my results, as it is is so uncommon. I feel very lucky. Radiation is sort of the insurance policy to my other treatments. There is always the chance that a microscopic cancer cell was left behind during surgery, so the radiation will be zapping away that area in case there is anything left. I then was taken in for CT scans. First I had to get my arms in a certain position, and a type of cast made around my head and arms with a bag that filled with air, so I am in the same position for every treatment. I then had scans where I did normal breathing, and also scans where I held my breath to see how it would move my heart away from the area being treated. Then I had three tiny tiny tiny tattoos done, one on each side of my ribs and one in the centre of my chest, to also help with positioning. I will be starting treatment in the next two weeks, and having 15 sessions over three weeks (every working day). The side effects aren't as bad as chemo, but there is a lot of fatigue involved, and it can cause skin irritations like nasty sunburn.
Recently I have also moved Louie to a new grazing facility. Unfortunately he was not doing well where he was, especially with the spring grass coming through. He is now a short drive from home so I get to see him every day which I love. He has settled down so nicely, and is doing lots better on a different grazing. I miss my friends a lot but this is the best option for Louie and hopefully means I might have a nicer horse! He has already become a lot less spooky with the wind and farm noises, and is much nicer to be around when he is eating his food. He seems to be getting along really well with his two new paddock mates, and there are lots of nice horses to talk to in the other paddocks. He can always see other horses, so isn't even very bothered if he is by himself, which is a big change! Today I got the all clear from my surgeon for very slow and easy pony rides, and I can't wait to get back on him and see how he does at his new home :)
I have been going out and about and making the most of no chemo recently. I have been able to go in to work more, and been to a few movie nights with friends which has been amazing. I am still so tired and have been having some problems with getting dizzy when I stand up. But I know that exercise is best for fatigue, so it's been great to go on little walks each day in Louies paddock.
I also wanted to say thank you for everyone who has stayed in touch over the last few months. I am so lucky to have such an amazing support system and am so thankful for you all.
xoxo
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