(1) It is 10.52pm and I should be asleep

But I'm starting a blog.

The fast and furious - part 1:

In January 2019, I went to my first horse show of the year. My horse decided it was time for me to part company with his beautiful new saddle, so sent me soaring through the air, which led to a wee concussion. A few days later I checked my body for anything that may be of significance before my doctors check up the next day. And I found a giant lump. It was hard and raised and sat right on top of my left breast. And by giant lump I mean this felt like a golf ball. But even though I had just found a golf ball in my boob, I was't too worried. My partner was though, and made me promise to bring it up with the doctor.

I went to my appointment and had the doctor take a look. She was also not super worried, especially due to my age (only just 27), and that it is common to get cysts in the area of my lump. She booked me in for scans and that was that.

Two weeks later, I was in for my ultrasound. Still not feeling anxious, and I was hoping it would just be a cyst that comes and goes. Mid way through this appointment, they wanted the head radiologist to come in. And then I was sent for the dreaded mammogram. For those who have not had one of these, your body is positioned around two panes of hard plastic, and your boob goes between these. Then they slam together and squish your boob until it is as thin as it can be. Not a fun time. But I left feeling reasonably positive and awaiting the next step from the doctors.

Another week later I was sent to hospital for a biopsy. This is when things got worrying. I was terrified. Thankfully my partner came with me and was the best help. The radiologists were incredible, and were so wonderful and calm as I cried the whole time. But thankfully biopsies aren't as awful as I thought. And it was more the fear of the unknown.. and needles.. Seeing the lump on the screen was pretty scary, and I could feel it was hard and not fluid filled as they struggled to get samples from it. But all samples were taken (including some horrific lymph node samples), and I was able to go about my day with the most impressive boob bruising I have ever seen and just tried to continue on as normal.

On the evening of February the 14th, I was at home waiting for my partner to get back from a work trip. He was bringing me donuts and I was so excited. I was all packed ready to go on my adult horse camp the next day with my best friends, and everything was great. Then I got an email from the 'manager my health' system, which is set up through the doctors. It gives you tools to book appointments, prescriptions, and see results.

Unfortunately, my results were released incorrectly.

And all I saw was 'confirmed diagnosis of cancer'.