So my partner walks through the door, with my favourite donuts in hand, and I must have looked a right mess. I sort of stumble through the results to him, blabbing how it must be a mistake, surely it's wrong. Someone has typed up the surgeons name and cell phone number in the results. So my partner gives him a call. And this poor surgeon has to confirm these results over the phone to me while I make gasping seal noises down the line back to him.
For those that do no know me very well, I'm a big crier. I cry when I am happy. When I'm sad. Frustrated, angry. When I see something cute on tv. When I achieve something awesome while I'm horse riding. When my demon goat horse bites me. All the things make me cry.
On the phone to this surgeon though, this is one of the few times I have cried about cancer.
So he apologised profusely, and I cried a bit more. And he said they would see me on the appointment date I already had scheduled.
That night I made a few phone calls. My partner called my mum, and I called my friends. Telling the people you love is the hardest.
I decided adult horse camp was still the best idea, so woke up nice and early the next day and drove myself out to the horses to get them loaded and off to camp. A good distraction, I thought. Horse camp was literally the best weekend of my life last year, such an incredible time!
After the most dramatic floating issues we could have asked for, since my horse is a demon goat, (which led to another slight breakdown as I cried on the phone to 'camp mum'), my beautiful friends gave me a chill day of food and ponies instead, and camp turned in to a great evening with some wonderful people.
My mum booked flights down for the original meeting that was booked on the 19th. This meeting was where I was supposed to find out what was going on. I went in with all my questions, notebooks, ready for action. But they had only prepared for the 'sorry you have cancer' talk. So I didn't find out too much and left feeling a bit disappointed. I was told to wait for the meeting with my oncologist. Waiting was the worst.
I cry at a lot too!!!!